I had the worst day of my life today. Just when I needed comfort, there was none. Just when I needed a shoulder to cry on, there was none. Just when I needed a hand to hold on to, there was none. Just when I needed assurance that everything’s going to be alright, there was none.

    Thursday. My dog, Xarpei was caught by the city pound yesterday. She escaped and went outside when somebody left the gate open. I was eating my breakfast when I heard her shriek. I immediately rushed outside barefoot and found out she’s being caught, so I ran after the truck. I was gravely begging them, hoping to release my dog, but the dogcatchers said they can’t, it’s their job. I started cursing inside my mind, “Screw you! Hope you lost your job!” all out of rage.

    I tried everything to stop them, but to no avail… I failed. I was already crying when I saw my Xarpei inside the truck, I can really see in her eyes that she’s scared. The truck sped away, all I can hear is my poor dog wailing. But there’s nothing I can do… nothing. All I can do is wait for tomorrow and claim my precious.

    Friday came. Aarrrgh! We’ll be bombarded with long quizzes today. I can’t afford to be absent because I’m pretty sure I’ll be missing a lot of quizzes. I only have one subject, class starts at 8:00am and ends at 3:00pm with an hour lunch break. Thus, I decided to claim my dog after classes.

    Together with someone I know very much, we went to the city pound. It was very far than what I’ve expected. But I really didn’t care about that, all I want at that moment is to see and get my dog.

    We arrived there at around 4:00pm. There’s no one around. A folk said that the pound closes at three, and dogs should be claimed in the morning. I was so dejected. I climbed the wall to see my dog, and there I saw her in such a piteous situation. When Xarpei heard my voice, she stood up at once and made a soft wail. What broke my heart even more is when I saw her so eager seeing me, but I just can’t get close to her nor touch her. I couldn’t even get her out from that hell. I was already crying hard. Maybe my dog understood what’s going on, she just sat down and kept quiet.

    I went home crestfallen. I couldn’t bear to leave my dog on such a pitiful situation. But there’s nothing I can do. I felt my heart is being smashed into pieces. That time, I was looking for comfort that I found invisible. Tears won’t stop rolling down my cheeks. I was seeking for someone or something to hold on to, but what I’m actually clutching is thin air. Naramdaman ko kasi parang ako pa ang sinisisi, sa nangyari.

    Was it my fault why such thing happened to my dog? I didn’t want this to happen. Nobody wanted it to happen. When she was still a puppy, I did everything just to let her live even when she was almost an inch from death. I pampered, spoiled, and loved her. How could I do such miserable thing for her?

    And worst, on Saturday, we’ll be conducting a seminar and my presence is a must. That made me cry even more. I felt so hopeless, everything seem to turn bleak. Saturday will be the last chance of claiming her or else she’ll just be made into a fine fertilizer. I couldn’t stop crying.

    He (the one who accompanied me at the pound) offered to get my dog tomorrow morning. I appreciated that a lot, I mean it. But regardless of his offer, I don’t understand why he treated me coldly the time we’re going home. I just wished he wasn’t aloof the time when I needed security while I was out in my comfort zone. And to think that I consider him as my other half, I just wished he was the man I knew to be a crying shoulder. Maybe he has his own reasons why he acted that way, reasons that I find vague. Nevertheless, I thank him for being physically there.

    I apologize for being a pathetic brat. It’s just that, I found comfort in this blog. Please bear with me.